It was one of those days.

I woke up with a nagging feelings of being frustrated.  I was convinced that I had somehow hurt someone I love very much and unsure how to handle it.  Some things had transpired months ago and it was subtly brought to my attention that my words and actions may have left a sore spot.

All morning long I fought the feelings of despair. The funny part was that the Lord was showing up at every turn shouting at me loud and clear.  The sad part was I was not quite ready to listen.

I had plans to get together at night with a group of friends from the Praise and Coffee gang.  Sue had invited some of us over to her place for a night of girl time.  I decided to get up and get busy.  I made my list for the grocery store and headed out.  My heart was heavy and my mind just couldn't move past how to mend something that I really didn't even understand.

I came home and got busy baking to take a little treat along to share with my friends.  I flipped over my daily devotional that sits on my kitchen window sill and found the Lord right there. The scripture spoke loud and clear.  "I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.  Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure."  Psalm 16:8-9.  There He was reminding me to set him before me, put him first, and rest secure.  I pondered for a split second and moved on to the ingredients that were scattered on my counter top.

Noticing how quiet it was in my kitchen I headed over to my laptop and found my way to Pandora.  I found a station and headed back to the baking at hand.  The first song that came on was Laura Story singing Grace.  I had not heard this song before, but the very first line caught me right then and there speaking about my proud heart and my unfocused eyes.

Finally I realized the Lord was trying to get my attention.  I had not wanted to believe that I could hurt someone I love so very much.  I wanted to believe that person was wrong, misguided and not understanding me.  Ahh, I needed to do some soul searching.  I needed to look at my own heart and not try to fix the other person's.

The day went on and soon it was time to head to my night out.  I drove the 45 minute drive finding myself in prayer and reflection.  My friend that was going to ride along with me had to cancel and once again I realized the Lord wanted to speak to my heart.  He knew I needed that time alone in the car to be quiet and just listen.

I was broken.  I needed to drop my pride aside and allow the Lord to pick me up one more time.  He reminded me that my actions were far from perfect, but His forgiveness was far more than any mixed up and confusing situation.  I knew in my spirit that I needed to forgive myself.  I needed to stop allowing the enemy to convince me that I was a loser and unloved because of a situation that neither me nor the other person could control at the time.

Life finds a way to keep us busy.  Our ears get close and our eyes lose focus.  The peace comes when we understand that the Lord never leaves us.  He continues to prick our hearts and minds longing to draw us to Him.  I may fall short of His glory over and over, but if I continue to seek His face I will always walk in the power of His daily sufficient grace.

I am not sure the situation is resolved and I cannot confront this person face to face.  I can only seek the Lord to heal and restore, to give grace unending and patience to trust in His timing that restoration will come.

Thank you Lord for Calvary and the gift of grace that is poured out freely on me day after day.

Just Fishin'

Yesterday Jenna and I were riding together in her car listening to the radio. It wasn't long and a song came on the radio that she had shared with me a short time ago. It was a song about being like your mom. Of course it brought me to crying like a fool. I looked over and the tears were falling from her eyes as well.  We both had to laugh in the midst of the tears.

A little farther down the road and another song came on the radio. It was called Just Fishin' by Trace Adkins. The song speaks of a daddy and his girl just spending some time together. Although the little girl thinks they are just fishin' the daddy knows better, they are making a memory.



Today we said goodbye to Jenna after our few short days in Texas. Right as we got ready to get the worst part of the trip over with she turned on the song. Oh, there's no doubt the tears fell and fell hard.

I couldn't help but be reminded of the years when Jenna was home alone with me and her dad. Her sisters had moved to Texas and it was just the three of us. Soon Jenna began to develop a love of tennis just like her dad.

The two of them spend hours upon hours working on her form, her strength, and her endurance. They ran stadium steps, batted balls nonstop and shopped for girly tennis dresses to make Jenna feel cute while she played.Yup, her daddy was the one to shop with her, not me.

All this time was not just about the game of tennis. As I look back I remember the bond those two formed and how for the first time they really found out that dad-daughter love runs deep.

It's hard to leave our youngest all alone in Texas. We always know the other two girls have their husband to protect, love, and share life with them, but Jenna is by herself. Her daddy is still her protector, her strength, and her pal.

Thanks Jenna for a few days of loving on you, laughing with you, and being reminded that that special place in our hearts is always there for you no matter how far apart we might be. WE LOVE YOU and you will always be your daddy's little girl.

And so it goes...

There are so many things swirling inside of my head right now.  I wish I could just write it all on here and let it all come crashing out, but I can't.  The feelings that I have involve too many people and it would not be fair to any of them.

There are areas in my life that I wish I had concrete answer to: my job, my daughter’s future, finding a new church, menopause.  Did I mention menopause?  Oh yeah, I guess I already did -  Oh the joy of menopause.

*Pausing to thank the Lord for my patient and always loving husband.  Did I mention menopause?  Sigh*

I've found this stage in life to be madness.  I guess that became evident when I named this blog.  No one really prepared me for what comes along with this glorious and constantly confusing time in life. I find myself grabbing charts at work to use as a fan when the heat rises.  It's comical, sort of, yet oh so frustrating.  Of course it always happens at the worst of times.  Oh well, it's all a part of it and so I press on.

Work has left me confused.  I've worked some extra hours over the summer due to being short handed in our department.  It's always rough for everyone when we are short.  Finding someone new, training someone and all that goes with it are maddening.  It's only my job to fill in the hours, but that's enough for me.  I learned many, many years ago that the good Lord created me to be a part-timer.  I've never functioned well working too many hours.  I become depressed and out of sorts.  Again, sounds a bit like menopause to me.  Menopause, did I mention menopause?

When it comes to being a mom of a single daughter that lives very far away there is no other word to describe it other than madness.  It's hard to give a hug through a text message.  It's hard to show how much you care about her life and all that is happening in it when "I love you" is sent by a text or Facebook messages.  She's an adult, but still so in need of guidance and support.  It's just plain hard.

At least church seems to be something to be a bit excited about.  I've been feeling lost and in a dry place for a very long time.  We have attended an amazing church for over 28 years, but it's grown to be a huge church, like 8,000 people and more.  We've sat under teaching that has been invaluable in my walk with the Lord.  We've watch our kids grow to love the Lord and long to serve Him while being a part of this church.  Now, we are a lost pair in a sea of thousands.  So we ventured out.  We found a little church close to home and visited the last two weeks.  We felt loved.  We felt contentment.  We felt noticed.  Being a part of a church means more than walking in and walking out the doors week after week.  That's where we have been for a very long time.

And so it goes.  My life is filled with feelings of being unsure, unsure about so many things.  Thankfully I can lay it down and be reminded of who holds tomorrow and that I need not feel the need to be the one in control.  There is ONE far, far  greater than I who knows my future at work, at church, and with my family.  He even knows each moment of menopause and has promised to be with me--- even when I walk through the fire so to speak.  (Trust me, some of these hot flashes feel like fire.)  He tells me to not waste my time worrying about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. (Matt 6:34)

Today I thank the Lord that even though my mind is swimming, my heart feels a bit heavy from time to time, and I find myself feeling like a lump of hot dish plopped down on a plate and all mixed up I can rest easy (in spite of the sleepless nights) knowing I really do rest safely in the palm of the One who created me (Jeremiah 1:5), the One who counts the hairs on my head (Luke 12:7), and the One that calls me His own, yes, I am a friend of God...

... and so it goes.

You are THAT guy!

Standing in the park talking with Steve I looked across to the tennis courts and spotted a group of guys that I knew.  In the midst of them was someone new, someone I'd never seen.  I couldn't quite take my eyes off from him.  He was blond, thin, and looking pretty hot in his high top socks and short shorts.

While trying to carry on a conversation with Steve I found my eyes looking past him and at you.  You were the new guy.  You were the one that grabbed my attention.

Steve, being a great friend, willingly walked me over to meet you.  You seemed kind of shy and sweet.  Most of the guys you were with were loud and loving any attention they could get, but you didn't seem to care for attention.

Months later I remember vividly you showing up at the high school where I was watching a girl's basketball game with Tami.  You sat and talked with us and once again I noticed how very gentle you were and just an all around sweet guy.

More months pasts and finally the day came where you called to ask me out for New Years Eve.  I, already being committed to other plans for the night, regretfully said no.

It was pretty obvious that the Lord wanted our paths to cross.  Even though we went to different high schools we found ourselves sitting together at Mac Donald’s after a guys basketball game and had our first real talk.  You were someone special and my heart strings were being tugged ever so gently.

I know it took years of growing up to see that I needed you in my life.  After all, I was only fifteen when we met.  I finally realized that the gentle, loving, and giving man I had been dating for three and a half years was the man God intended for me to spend my life with.

Today is your birthday. We have shared 35 birthdays together.  Each year I'm reminded of what a blessed woman I am to have you by my side.  You are the best listener in my life.  You always put me before your own needs.  If I need chocolate or anything else you drop everything just to make me happy.

I know this may sound sappy and like all the other tributes women write to their husbands, but I want to make sure you know that God in His goodness graced my life with the gift of you.  There is nothing more wonderful and beautiful than to know how much you love me every single day of your life.  You are my best friend and you make me laugh even in those times when I don't want to.

David, thank you for loving me, working hard to provide for me, and for filling my heart with the knowledge of being safe and secure with you.

May you be reminded in hundreds of ways today of how amazing you are.  May you feel God's goodness raining down upon you from your head to your toes.  Most of all, may you feel happy and content knowing you are loved beyond what can be said!

Happy birthday my love!  I pray that we will have many more years to blow out the candles together.

"For you see, each day I love you more ~ Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow."

It was quite the week!

I had been struggling with a migraine or some type of major head pain. It finally peaked on Sunday and by Tuesday I was too sick to even walk or talk. David ended up talking me to the doctor where I was injected with some type of pain killer.

By the time we got home I was pretty out of it and hit the bed. The pain was totally gone in about a half an hour, but was replaced with six hours of constant itching. On the up side, I was too drugged to really care that I itched all over. In the middle of the night the pain returned full force. So much for that method of treatment.

I woke the next day to find myself taking three naps. Needless to say, I was zapped. I ran out for a short trip to the pharmacy to get some prednisone and to get my hair done. I've been working odd hours and had canceled this appointment once and really wanted to get it over with. Thank the good Lord the girl that did my hair did an amazing job of giving me a head and neck massage as well.  Once I was finished it was right back home to bed.

By Friday I was looking forward to the weekend and heading to the suburbs of Chicago to move our kids. They were heading north of the city to relocate for Alfred's job and schooling.  We decided to sleep at home that night and head out by 6AM for our three hour drive.  Thankfully we are an hour ahead of Chicago.

The kids had worked like crazy getting everything packed up.  By the time we arrived the guys were ready to head out with the U-haul while Alicia and I finished up at the old apartment.

Despite the guys forgetting the keys to the new place it all came together in time.  After lots of hard work we had thing pretty much moved into their condo and it was starting to take shape. 

Cute little kitchen area

Dinner at Big Bowl Thai Restaurant

We decided to call it a day, get a hotel for Dave and I, and head to dinner.  The kid's condo gas wouldn't be turned on for a few days so a hotel gave us all hot showers as well as letting the kids enjoy their new place without dad and mom under their feet 24-7.  We worked hard the next day to get things put away and make their new place feel like home.  It shaped up really nicely!

We went out to dinner that night for some Mediterranean food.  It's always something fun and different when we visit our kids.  There are options for eating that we just don't have in our area.

Monday, Labor Day, the kids surprised Dave with tickets to a Cubs baseball game. His birthday is coming up this week and  He was really excited!  We rode the train into the ballpark, one of my favorite things to do!!! 

Riding the L

Still a bit under the weather, but having fun!

Happy Birthday Dave!

We hopped off the train and headed right across the road to the ball field.

We had some great seats just beyond third base.  I enjoyed watching people, eating a hot pretzel and some peanuts, as well as...oh yeah...watching the game.  I also got the entire low down from the lady behind me as to what shoes would be purchased for her young son to wear to school.  She spent most of the game talking on her phone with someone to make sure the right pair of shoes were purchased.  (Oh brother!)

What's a ballgame without a hot dog?

The score board at Wrigley Field drove me nuts!  It's a classic and has not been updated to a high def big screen.  It took me to the 7th inning stretch to figure it out.  I know it's really cool, but I'm a slow learner.  Alicia was a bit fascinated watching the people turn the boards to change the score.  

Dave had fun making a little video of the "take me out to the ballgame" song that we all had fun singing at the 7th inning stretch.

It was a fun day even though the temps had dropped a ton.  We went from hot and sweating while moving to sweatshirts and jeans along with that cold wind that Chicago is known for.  David had fun sportin' his new Cubs shirt that I surprised him with.  When in Chicago we do as the Cubs fans do.  Well, Dave was right there with the Cubs gear while I showed up in pink and stuck out like a sore thumb.

Dave and his girl

Alfred ended up catching a fly ball!  He was pretty excited.  The ball looked like it was coming straight for my head and as I ducked I plowed into the lady next to me. (You can see her right to the left of Alicia)  She was quite the sport and just laughed it off.  The two little boys behind us were a bit bummed that the 6'4" guy in front of them had the advantage in catching the ball.

It was a really fun day and a good way to relax and have some fun after all the work of the move.  Woohoo, the Cubbies won!  We took the train back to our cars and the kids headed north while we hit the road south and back around the lake to Michigan.

Thanks Alfred and Alicia for a fun holiday and for letting us be apart of your lives.

He always seems to know just what I need

David took the day off from work on Wednesday which is always a huge treat for me to have him home.  Lately I've been in a bit of a funk.  I think I need a vacation from life...or something! 

We woke up to some gloomy weather, but heard the forecast for a nice day and some big waves at the beach.  We packed up our stuff, picked up some lunch from the New York Deli and headed out.

By the time we got to Grand Haven the sun was working it's way through the clouds and the waves were totally out of control.  We were ready to have some fun.

The red flag was flying meaning, "No Swimming", but it doesn't stop people.  We knew the rip currents would be strong and we didn't plan on going out very far.

My husband, always the manly man, started showing his stuff against the water.

He was having as much fun as if he were a kid again!

I headed in a bit more timidly....

l

...but the waves were in total control!

Of course we couldn't go to the beach and not have it feel like date day.  A little "D + G" in the sand felt appropriate.

We needed a bit of R&R after playing in the water.  Wow, suddenly we were both reminded that we are in our fifties and the old bodies aren't quite what they used to be.

Lake Michigan never ceases to amaze me with its beauty.  It doesn't matter if it's summer and hot or the dead of winter and freezing.  It's a beautiful place to behold.

We finally walked the pier and had fun just watching everyone getting pounded by the waves beating along the edges.  These four little guys were giggling their heads off as the water flew up and came back down to totally immerse them.  It was great!

This "boy" wanted to join them in the worst way.  He'll never outgrow being a kid.  I love that about him...most of the time.

We walked the boardwalk and got some ice cream and then decided our day at the beach was about over.  You know I'm having fun when my hair gets wet.  I didn't have a choice.  The waves just took me down.

We headed home and stopped along the way to get a bunch of fresh blueberries and peaches.  I'm hoping to attempt my first peach pie, after all it is my favorite.  I just might make a blueberry one as well.  I would have taken pictures of the fruit, but the camera got drenched.  The car keys were also in someone's bathing suit pocket.  Thank the good Lord they did not end up in the bottom of Lake Michigan.

What a fantastic day!  It might not have been a vacation, but at least for a few hours I totally forgot about life and stress and found good old fun with my best friend!

Like My Mother Does

I come from a line of strong and caring women. My grandmother was my roll model in life and my mom has always been my best friend. I've learned from these two women to give 110% to my family and love with everything I have within me.

I began praying before I ever held my first daughter that I would pass on to her those qualities that I have sought after and longed to possess which made my grandma and mom the incredible women I've loved beyond words.

Yesterday my baby girl posted this video on my Face-book wall. You can bet bucket loads of tears sprang from my eyes as my heart was smiling and ready to burst.



It's my prayer that the legacy I leave for my daughters is one that speaks of a committed and caring love for the Lord and for family.


Thanks Jenna for blessing me with this song.

People always say
I have a laugh like my mother does
Guess that makes sense
She taught me how to smile when things get rough
I’ve got her spirit, she’s always got my back
When I look at her I think I want to be just like that


When I love I give it all I’ve got
Like my mother does
When I’m scared I bow my head and pray
Like my mother does


She’s a rock, she is grace
She’s an angel, she’s my heart and soul
She does it all


When I love, I give it all I’ve got
Like my mother does
When I’m scared I bow my head and pray
Like my mother does


When I’m weak and unpretty
I know I’m beautiful and strong
Because I see myself
Like my mother does


Lauren Alaina – Like My Mother Does Lyrics