Most of all I wish you Jesus!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
May I be all that and much more
My gram and me ~ 1960
My mom and me ~ 1960
Growing up I never once thought about what it meant for my grandmother or my mother to be moms. I never gave a single thought as to how they viewed their lives or if being a mom and grandmother made them happy. I never had to think about it because I knew from the very depths of my heart that being a mother and grandmother were the number one most important things in their lives.
As a child I remember vividly my grandmother's bible always being on her kitchen table or close by. Her day began first of all with the Lord before she faced whatever task was hers. It made an impression on my heart that her values were strong and good.
My mom was and is the most selfless person I know when it comes to her kids. Not once in my life did I feel like my mom put herself before me and my brothers. It was just a fact that her kids were her life.
I'm pondering a lot these days.
I miss my grandmother just as much as I did 14 years ago when she left this earth. I miss her tender and caring heart. She was the one person that I went to when I needed a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I loved seeing her cater to my 3 little girls as she lead me to believe they were her very favorite great grandchildren even though she had many and each one was a treasure to her.
As a girl and even into my teens my mom was my best friend always. She never let me down and made sure I felt secure and valued by her in all ways.
Yes, I'm pondering.
Was I a good enough mom? Will I make a good grandma?
You know, my mom never played games with me. She never crafted or loved cooking and baking. Often we think these are the things that make a great mom. For me it's something far deeper. It was her undivided attention and unfailing love for me.
Although I never played Scrabble until I was 50 and I never realized all of the ingredients in the world to make amazing food I did know deep down in my heart the a mom's love was constant. If I needed her she she would drop everything to be there for me.
My memories of my grandmother were a bit different. She was an outstanding cook. Her baking was hard to beat. She could sew and crochet beautifully. She loved to read books to me as a child and to my children when they were big enough to sit on her lap. Still the most important thing I remember about her was her heart. To me it was as big as the world and she made me feel as though I filled every corner of it.
And so I ponder.
Will my daughters remember me like I think of my mom? Will my grandchildren smile as they grow and think of their grandma as the best in the entire world.
I pray daily that I am a mother to be praised and a reflection of two amazing women who have graced my life and both "did it right
!"
Thank you Lord for the blessing of my godly grandmother and mother. Thank you for the memories I have as a little girl of being a treasure to both of them. I ask you Lord to make me into the woman that reflects You in all things. May my legacy be one of love beyond measure for each child You have given me and hopefully someday to many little ones to come.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Part 4: Walking, working, and seeing clearly
Needless to say, this was a Mother's day I'll remember forever. I can honestly say that it made up for all the years that I had no children at home and sat in a heap of loneliness and self pity.
A dear friend once gently reminded me that Mother's day is just another day. I needed to reflect on the blessing of being a mother, the blessing of having a wonderful mother of my own, and focus less on my empty heart. I know she was right, but boy let me tell you that having them home and within my reach to hug is really the best way to enjoy being a mom.
The day after the kids left I returned to work. It had been 9 1/2 weeks of recovery and I was finally feeling strong enough to go back to my part time job, part time. I did some half days and even though I was not very strong and my foot hurt I felt a sense of regaining my life at last.
Soon I was out of the big, old, black boot and into a shoe. What a day that was! My shoes may not be pretty, but they beat a cast and a boot any old day.
So here I was, back to work, walking pretty good and daily reminding myself of the enormous blessing of walking out of my house on my own. Being able to drive my car with my right foot was huge. Yup, life was getting more of a regular routine each day.
While busy at work I got a phone call from one of my daughters. Knowing that I'm working they normally don't call me unless it's important. I have to admit that phone calls from Texas these days have set my heart racing. Between Lindsey's health and Jenna having a car accident while heading to work in Dallas traffic I'm always a bit nervous when their names come up on my phone.(Working hard to get over this issue.)
This time was a very pleasant surprise. Lindsey was calling to check what our plans were for the 4th of July. Plans? Huh? We never have plans. We sort of had some plans to attend our church camp out for part of the weekend, but the kids always come first. They wanted to fly home and spend a week with us! What great news! Once again the unexpected visit home from the kids was pure joy. Alicia decided to hop a train again and come for a couple of days. Alfred had to work, but she was able to come home.
We had a great time just soaking up the heat here in Michigan. We spent hours in the pool. Dave and Beto got to experience some father/son time on the bikes. We went to the beach which is a must if the kids are home in the summer. It was my goal to get in the sand this summer and I did it! It was just what the doctor ordered having the kids home and relaxing together making some good memories.
As always life goes on. The kids returned to their homes and Dave and I are back to just the two of us. Things are slightly different these days as we spent countless conversations talking about becoming grandparents. We have no idea how this long distance thing is going to feel and I just don't really want to think about that part of it right now. We are just having fun thinking about that little life that will change us forever.
I hope to fly to Dallas this fall to see my sweet girl pregnant. I can't go the entire time and not see her tummy growing. With the baby due in January they will not be coming home for the holidays. There are weddings to photograph and then the time is too close for travel.
All in all I feel over the top blessed and even though my time of recovery didn't give me a super spiritual experience I did learn over time to see the hand of God constantly at work in my life.
I watched Him bring me through a very difficult surgery and recovery. I witnessed the loss of our precious first grandchild only to be reminded that He never took His eyes off from our kids and He never forgot about us. Walking through that valley His presence was so sweet giving comfort to us and hope. The news of another baby on the way was a promise to us that He cares for His own blessing us with the desires of our hearts. He protected Jenna from harm when in the car accident and extended His loving shoulder to lean on throughout a long and drawn out nightmare of getting the claim settled.
Yes, I DID have an over the top spiritual experience. It just turned into a daily walk with the Lord once again learning to lean, trust, and hope. In the lowest of times He was there. In the height of happiness He was there.
It might have taken me time to process His goodness and faithfulness, but just as He promised He was there all along.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Psalm 23 (NIV)
Needless to say, this was a Mother's day I'll remember forever. I can honestly say that it made up for all the years that I had no children at home and sat in a heap of loneliness and self pity.
A dear friend once gently reminded me that Mother's day is just another day. I needed to reflect on the blessing of being a mother, the blessing of having a wonderful mother of my own, and focus less on my empty heart. I know she was right, but boy let me tell you that having them home and within my reach to hug is really the best way to enjoy being a mom.
The day after the kids left I returned to work. It had been 9 1/2 weeks of recovery and I was finally feeling strong enough to go back to my part time job, part time. I did some half days and even though I was not very strong and my foot hurt I felt a sense of regaining my life at last.
Soon I was out of the big, old, black boot and into a shoe. What a day that was! My shoes may not be pretty, but they beat a cast and a boot any old day.
So here I was, back to work, walking pretty good and daily reminding myself of the enormous blessing of walking out of my house on my own. Being able to drive my car with my right foot was huge. Yup, life was getting more of a regular routine each day.
While busy at work I got a phone call from one of my daughters. Knowing that I'm working they normally don't call me unless it's important. I have to admit that phone calls from Texas these days have set my heart racing. Between Lindsey's health and Jenna having a car accident while heading to work in Dallas traffic I'm always a bit nervous when their names come up on my phone.(Working hard to get over this issue.)
This time was a very pleasant surprise. Lindsey was calling to check what our plans were for the 4th of July. Plans? Huh? We never have plans. We sort of had some plans to attend our church camp out for part of the weekend, but the kids always come first. They wanted to fly home and spend a week with us! What great news! Once again the unexpected visit home from the kids was pure joy. Alicia decided to hop a train again and come for a couple of days. Alfred had to work, but she was able to come home.
We had a great time just soaking up the heat here in Michigan. We spent hours in the pool. Dave and Beto got to experience some father/son time on the bikes. We went to the beach which is a must if the kids are home in the summer. It was my goal to get in the sand this summer and I did it! It was just what the doctor ordered having the kids home and relaxing together making some good memories.
My sore and tired feet feeling pretty happy in the beach sand.
Dave and Beto following a bike ride.
Just relaxing.
The "momma to be" :D
Sisters at the beach
As always life goes on. The kids returned to their homes and Dave and I are back to just the two of us. Things are slightly different these days as we spent countless conversations talking about becoming grandparents. We have no idea how this long distance thing is going to feel and I just don't really want to think about that part of it right now. We are just having fun thinking about that little life that will change us forever.
I hope to fly to Dallas this fall to see my sweet girl pregnant. I can't go the entire time and not see her tummy growing. With the baby due in January they will not be coming home for the holidays. There are weddings to photograph and then the time is too close for travel.
All in all I feel over the top blessed and even though my time of recovery didn't give me a super spiritual experience I did learn over time to see the hand of God constantly at work in my life.
I watched Him bring me through a very difficult surgery and recovery. I witnessed the loss of our precious first grandchild only to be reminded that He never took His eyes off from our kids and He never forgot about us. Walking through that valley His presence was so sweet giving comfort to us and hope. The news of another baby on the way was a promise to us that He cares for His own blessing us with the desires of our hearts. He protected Jenna from harm when in the car accident and extended His loving shoulder to lean on throughout a long and drawn out nightmare of getting the claim settled.
Yes, I DID have an over the top spiritual experience. It just turned into a daily walk with the Lord once again learning to lean, trust, and hope. In the lowest of times He was there. In the height of happiness He was there.
It might have taken me time to process His goodness and faithfulness, but just as He promised He was there all along.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Psalm 23 (NIV)
Friday, July 20, 2012
Part 3: Dealing with the pain, loneliness... and hope!
It was a very difficult time to be so far away from our kids and unable to hold them, cry with them, and love on them. We were able to Skype which at least allowed us to talk and cry together. We encouraged them to grieve, but to also keep their hope in the Lord. He had done great things for us all those years ago when after our first loss came a beautiful baby girl named Lindsey Joy!
You know, it's only God that can remind you in the midst of sorrow and pain that there will be, "... beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3) After a long and rough week where Lindsey was down in bed with a throat infection we began to see hope arise. Although pain was still present for all of us, we could feel that God had allowed that ray of hope to rise up within our hearts.
It gave me great joy to hear our kids talk about the future and the hope of another pregnancy. Once again my thoughts went back all those years ago when Dave and I walked this very road and in His timing we were able to look ahead hanging onto the reality that we had once been blessed with a pregnancy and now there was hope, real hope that it would happen again. I prayed daily for our children and the hope of a new life for them.
Time passed. Lindsey healed. Hearts hoped. As for me, I was in pain and just plain lonely. I wished each and every day away just waiting to walk again. I fought guilt for not relishing this time that so many had encouraged me to look forward to before surgery. Many friends reminded me of this precious time to seek the Lord and just rest in Him. I felt a sense of guilt for not wanting to spend every waking moment seeking the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I needed the Lord daily, at times minute by minute, but I just wanted to find this rich place of dwelling in Him and instead found myself tired and just so alone. I knew the Lord was there with me the entire time. He made himself known in ways too many to number. I just needed to look hard to see them and to let go of the self imposed guilt brought on by my own disappointment of not having a "spiritual" experience that was extraordinary while being laid up.
The recovery from my surgery went as well as could be expected. I had a few set back such as a nerve issue in my leg and pulled back muscle, but the foot seemed to be healing. Boy, I didn't have a clue pre-surgery that it would be such a long haul. Each day was the same. I woke up, struggled to get through a shower and breakfast, rested, struggling to get through lunch and cleaning up the house a bit and more rest only to be watching the clock until Dave came home. What a HUGE blessing to have a husband who was totally and completely selfless and made me feel loved when I cried, cared for when I couldn't care for myself, and reminded that if he needed to care for me like this for the rest of his life HE WOULD!
I was blessed beyond measure by friends who brought meals and made visits. If you ever feel the tug on your heart to go visit someone who is house bound, DO IT! What a blessing a short visit from a friend made in my 9 1/2 weeks at home. Those of you that took the time, I have no doubt that the Lord has bless you for your willingness to minister to me with your time and love. (A special thanks to Jan B, Millie H, and Shelly H for all of your visits and the huge blessing of food which helped me to relax knowing David was fed well! The biggest thanks of all goes to my niece, Heather, who saw me through from the beginning and was there through the good and the bad of this whole experience.)
After 6 1/2 weeks in an expandable cast and then a fiberglass cast I was transitioned into a boot, but still no weight bearing. Just about that time Mother's Day rolled around. Beto and Lindsey would be flying home to photograph a wedding here in Michigan and Alicia was coming in from Chicago for the weekend. I was still not quite up to much, but was thrilled that at last there would be a break in my boring routine and I would have family around me for a few days. Oh, and the walking could slowly begin little by little.
It was Alicia's birthday that week and she arrived late at night by train on her birthday. We did a bit of eating out and shopping, a real chore for me at this point, but still good to get out of the house. I made the best of it and looked forward to Sunday when my girls were going to take over in the kitchen and I could just soak up the blessing of my family being together, well most of us anyway. Oh how I missed Jenna and a family time is never complete without Alfred!
Mother's day morning arrived and Lindsey and Beto gave me a mother's day card. I read it thanking them for their thoughtfulness. Lindsey asked if I had read it. Of course I had. She told me to read it again, every word. I reopened it and saw she had addressed it to "Grandma". What??? Seriously???
Once again my precious girl was carrying a baby. It was very early on and Lindsey had just, I mean just found out. She privately shared with us and her sister once again swearing us to secrecy.
(Deep sigh)
HUGE SMILES
Tears, oh yes tears
Heart bursting, bursting, bursting so that I thought there could never ever be room for more joy.
To be continued...
It was a very difficult time to be so far away from our kids and unable to hold them, cry with them, and love on them. We were able to Skype which at least allowed us to talk and cry together. We encouraged them to grieve, but to also keep their hope in the Lord. He had done great things for us all those years ago when after our first loss came a beautiful baby girl named Lindsey Joy!
You know, it's only God that can remind you in the midst of sorrow and pain that there will be, "... beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." (Isaiah 61:3) After a long and rough week where Lindsey was down in bed with a throat infection we began to see hope arise. Although pain was still present for all of us, we could feel that God had allowed that ray of hope to rise up within our hearts.
It gave me great joy to hear our kids talk about the future and the hope of another pregnancy. Once again my thoughts went back all those years ago when Dave and I walked this very road and in His timing we were able to look ahead hanging onto the reality that we had once been blessed with a pregnancy and now there was hope, real hope that it would happen again. I prayed daily for our children and the hope of a new life for them.
Time passed. Lindsey healed. Hearts hoped. As for me, I was in pain and just plain lonely. I wished each and every day away just waiting to walk again. I fought guilt for not relishing this time that so many had encouraged me to look forward to before surgery. Many friends reminded me of this precious time to seek the Lord and just rest in Him. I felt a sense of guilt for not wanting to spend every waking moment seeking the Lord. Don't get me wrong, I needed the Lord daily, at times minute by minute, but I just wanted to find this rich place of dwelling in Him and instead found myself tired and just so alone. I knew the Lord was there with me the entire time. He made himself known in ways too many to number. I just needed to look hard to see them and to let go of the self imposed guilt brought on by my own disappointment of not having a "spiritual" experience that was extraordinary while being laid up.
The recovery from my surgery went as well as could be expected. I had a few set back such as a nerve issue in my leg and pulled back muscle, but the foot seemed to be healing. Boy, I didn't have a clue pre-surgery that it would be such a long haul. Each day was the same. I woke up, struggled to get through a shower and breakfast, rested, struggling to get through lunch and cleaning up the house a bit and more rest only to be watching the clock until Dave came home. What a HUGE blessing to have a husband who was totally and completely selfless and made me feel loved when I cried, cared for when I couldn't care for myself, and reminded that if he needed to care for me like this for the rest of his life HE WOULD!
I was blessed beyond measure by friends who brought meals and made visits. If you ever feel the tug on your heart to go visit someone who is house bound, DO IT! What a blessing a short visit from a friend made in my 9 1/2 weeks at home. Those of you that took the time, I have no doubt that the Lord has bless you for your willingness to minister to me with your time and love. (A special thanks to Jan B, Millie H, and Shelly H for all of your visits and the huge blessing of food which helped me to relax knowing David was fed well! The biggest thanks of all goes to my niece, Heather, who saw me through from the beginning and was there through the good and the bad of this whole experience.)
After 6 1/2 weeks in an expandable cast and then a fiberglass cast I was transitioned into a boot, but still no weight bearing. Just about that time Mother's Day rolled around. Beto and Lindsey would be flying home to photograph a wedding here in Michigan and Alicia was coming in from Chicago for the weekend. I was still not quite up to much, but was thrilled that at last there would be a break in my boring routine and I would have family around me for a few days. Oh, and the walking could slowly begin little by little.
It was Alicia's birthday that week and she arrived late at night by train on her birthday. We did a bit of eating out and shopping, a real chore for me at this point, but still good to get out of the house. I made the best of it and looked forward to Sunday when my girls were going to take over in the kitchen and I could just soak up the blessing of my family being together, well most of us anyway. Oh how I missed Jenna and a family time is never complete without Alfred!
Mother's day morning arrived and Lindsey and Beto gave me a mother's day card. I read it thanking them for their thoughtfulness. Lindsey asked if I had read it. Of course I had. She told me to read it again, every word. I reopened it and saw she had addressed it to "Grandma". What??? Seriously???
Once again my precious girl was carrying a baby. It was very early on and Lindsey had just, I mean just found out. She privately shared with us and her sister once again swearing us to secrecy.
(Deep sigh)
HUGE SMILES
Tears, oh yes tears
Heart bursting, bursting, bursting so that I thought there could never ever be room for more joy.
To be continued...
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Part 2: Surgery day arrived and a whole lot more.
March 1st quickly arrived and off to the surgical center we went. The couch was made up with sheets and pillows. The little basket of necessities was full and next to the couch. The bathroom was now complete with the raised toilet seat (oh Lord, really? Yes, really!) The tub had a new shower hand held sprayer and a tub seat. The walker and crutches were all set to be used.
Surgery went well, really well. I came out of it with little pain and was ready to get home and get well.
The first couple of days Dave was able to be with me, but his vacation was all used up and I was dreading being alone and helpless. Lindsey called and offered to come care for me for a few days. She would fly in on Sunday afternoon and stay until Thursday giving her time to get back to Texas to photograph a wedding on Saturday.
By the time Linds arrived Dave and I had figured out a good plan of getting me from one room to the other and making sure I was well cared for. I was so thankful to have Lindsey with me once Dave headed back to work. The pain had set in and I was helpless.
Lindsey and I spend our time talking and sleeping. I was on strong pain meds and she was now pregnant. I relished each moment with my daughter and knew the Lord had shed his goodness upon me by having Lindsey home.
During the few days Linds was home she was able to share their exciting news with family and friends here in Michigan. It was fun to let the cat out of the bag and start telling my friends and family as well. I'm a talker and it was hard to keep my mouth shut for a month.
Thursday came all too quickly and it was time for Lindsey to fly back to Beto in Texas. Dave loaded me in the back seat of the car and off we went to the airport. I was still on heavy meds so the trip was not a big deal and it was good to get out for a short ride.
Lindsey made it home and by the weekend they had pretty much shared with family and friends about the news of the baby. They had the wedding to photograph on Saturday and then on Monday would post their news on Facebook for the rest of the world to know.
I knew something was wrong when she called me Saturday late morning asking questions. Wow, I can't even write this without reliving the moments, hours and days that followed.
She called her doctor, rested until she had to leave and then headed off to photograph the wedding. What a day it was for her. Alfred and Alicia had come home to be with me for the weekend and we waited, prayed, and hoped. We talked on the phone with Lindsey off and on and by Sunday morning she shared that she had lost the baby.
OH THE PAIN!
After walking this road in my own life twice I knew just what she was going through. I knew the feelings of loss, disappointment and sorrow. I knew the dreams that had begun to bud were trampled on and destroyed. What I didn't know is that it hurt me more to watch my children walk this road than it did for me to walk it out in my own life all those years ago.
To be continued...
March 1st quickly arrived and off to the surgical center we went. The couch was made up with sheets and pillows. The little basket of necessities was full and next to the couch. The bathroom was now complete with the raised toilet seat (oh Lord, really? Yes, really!) The tub had a new shower hand held sprayer and a tub seat. The walker and crutches were all set to be used.
Surgery went well, really well. I came out of it with little pain and was ready to get home and get well.
The first couple of days Dave was able to be with me, but his vacation was all used up and I was dreading being alone and helpless. Lindsey called and offered to come care for me for a few days. She would fly in on Sunday afternoon and stay until Thursday giving her time to get back to Texas to photograph a wedding on Saturday.
By the time Linds arrived Dave and I had figured out a good plan of getting me from one room to the other and making sure I was well cared for. I was so thankful to have Lindsey with me once Dave headed back to work. The pain had set in and I was helpless.
Lindsey and I spend our time talking and sleeping. I was on strong pain meds and she was now pregnant. I relished each moment with my daughter and knew the Lord had shed his goodness upon me by having Lindsey home.
During the few days Linds was home she was able to share their exciting news with family and friends here in Michigan. It was fun to let the cat out of the bag and start telling my friends and family as well. I'm a talker and it was hard to keep my mouth shut for a month.
Thursday came all too quickly and it was time for Lindsey to fly back to Beto in Texas. Dave loaded me in the back seat of the car and off we went to the airport. I was still on heavy meds so the trip was not a big deal and it was good to get out for a short ride.
Lindsey made it home and by the weekend they had pretty much shared with family and friends about the news of the baby. They had the wedding to photograph on Saturday and then on Monday would post their news on Facebook for the rest of the world to know.
I knew something was wrong when she called me Saturday late morning asking questions. Wow, I can't even write this without reliving the moments, hours and days that followed.
She called her doctor, rested until she had to leave and then headed off to photograph the wedding. What a day it was for her. Alfred and Alicia had come home to be with me for the weekend and we waited, prayed, and hoped. We talked on the phone with Lindsey off and on and by Sunday morning she shared that she had lost the baby.
OH THE PAIN!
After walking this road in my own life twice I knew just what she was going through. I knew the feelings of loss, disappointment and sorrow. I knew the dreams that had begun to bud were trampled on and destroyed. What I didn't know is that it hurt me more to watch my children walk this road than it did for me to walk it out in my own life all those years ago.
To be continued...
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The new year arrived and so did a bucket load of emotions
It's hard to imagine
all that has happened around here over the last 5 months. Although I
have not been blogging I've decided to try to record the events so that
I can remember them and cherish each part for how it impacted out
lives.
It seems like the new year had just arrived and all too soon I was looking at foot surgery. Alfred and Alicia invited us to come visit for a weekend in February and we hopped at the chance knowing I would be laid up for quite some time and the opportunity to head their way would be out of the question for at least awhile.
We hit the road first thing in the morning on a Saturday. Our 3 hour trip was uneventful. Just before we were ready to exit off the highway to the kids neighborhood I got a text from Alicia asking us to let them know when we hit the exit. I didn't think anything about this since it was getting close to the lunch hour and I figured she was getting lunch going and maybe had something to put in the oven.
I sent her a text back just a few minutes later and before we knew it we were at their condo. We were excited to see them and they quickly ushered us inside and said that Jenna was on Skype so we could all chat. We sat down and started talking when out from the bedroom popped Beto and Lindsey yelling, "Surprise!" Huh? What in the world were they doing there?
I turned around and saw Lindsey holding a little photo of a sonogram and smiling from ear to ear as she told me I was going to be a grandma. We all hugged, cried, laughed and shared this precious moment together, even Jen was able to see the excitement on Skype.
The weekend was filled with lots of baby talk. We laughed about all the options for grandparent names. We all looked ahead to the fall when our first little one would arrive. I don't think I could have been happier in that moment.
Dave and I love babies! We both talked during the drive back to Michigan about how hard it would be to have our first grandchild in Texas. We talked about how excited we were and no matter what we would be in this child's life. We had a secret to keep for awhile, but it was fun and thrilling.
We had no idea what would lay in store for all of us just around the corner.
To be continued...
Part I: Pure Joy
It seems like the new year had just arrived and all too soon I was looking at foot surgery. Alfred and Alicia invited us to come visit for a weekend in February and we hopped at the chance knowing I would be laid up for quite some time and the opportunity to head their way would be out of the question for at least awhile.
We hit the road first thing in the morning on a Saturday. Our 3 hour trip was uneventful. Just before we were ready to exit off the highway to the kids neighborhood I got a text from Alicia asking us to let them know when we hit the exit. I didn't think anything about this since it was getting close to the lunch hour and I figured she was getting lunch going and maybe had something to put in the oven.
I sent her a text back just a few minutes later and before we knew it we were at their condo. We were excited to see them and they quickly ushered us inside and said that Jenna was on Skype so we could all chat. We sat down and started talking when out from the bedroom popped Beto and Lindsey yelling, "Surprise!" Huh? What in the world were they doing there?
I turned around and saw Lindsey holding a little photo of a sonogram and smiling from ear to ear as she told me I was going to be a grandma. We all hugged, cried, laughed and shared this precious moment together, even Jen was able to see the excitement on Skype.
The weekend was filled with lots of baby talk. We laughed about all the options for grandparent names. We all looked ahead to the fall when our first little one would arrive. I don't think I could have been happier in that moment.
Dave and I love babies! We both talked during the drive back to Michigan about how hard it would be to have our first grandchild in Texas. We talked about how excited we were and no matter what we would be in this child's life. We had a secret to keep for awhile, but it was fun and thrilling.
We had no idea what would lay in store for all of us just around the corner.
To be continued...
Saturday, February 11, 2012
From work outs to working it all out
So, what's new in my life these days you ask? Oh, you didn't ask? Well, I'm here to write it all down as usual just because I feel the need to get it out of my head and neatly tucked away somewhere else and that's just what this blog is for. So, read on if you feel like it or just click out if you don't.
The past month has been a wild one. As I mentioned before, the new year was for me a time of new beginnings. Knowing my birthday would be just a few months away I wanted to start the year out with a new passion for feeling better, eating healthier, and getting a grip on turning another year older.
Little did I know that all the exercise would bring another foot issue to light. If you know me at all or have read my old blogs, you know that my feet have not been my best friends for the last decade or so.
I started out January first hitting the WII fit every single day. I felt good, really good. Oh, the old body was screaming as it wondered what in the world I was doing to it, but basically I mentally was feeling better. Winter tends to bring me down and out and the exercise was fighting that in a good way. Each day that I buckled down to do a workout I finished up with big time pain in my foot.
For many years I was sure I had the beginnings of a possible bunion and nasty looking feet like my mom. Oh boy does she have nasty looking feet. I'd have days where I'd feel pain and then long stretches with no pain at all. Now the pain was 24/7 and a visit to the doctor was on the list of things to do. She took one look at my foot and said I needed a specialist to evaluate what was going on. Off I went with Vicodin in hand to wait three weeks to see the specialist.
During this time Dave started to not feel well. He was in pain and had found a lump that caused some alarm. He called me at work to say that he was really hurting and I asked him to call the doctor right away. The doctor didn't even want to see him, but rather sent him directly to the hospital for an ultra sound. We were thankful that same evening when the report came back that he was battling a really tough infection and meds would get him back to feeling good again.
A few days later we headed to the foot specialist. I was dreading the appointment. Several people had felt the need to share how painful bunion surgery is and I just didn't feel like being off work for a period of time and dealing with pain. After having ex-rays taken and speaking with the doctor I was left in a heap of tears. Little did I know it wasn't just a bunion, but a fallen arch needing repair along with a tendon that needs to be lengthened. The kind doctor said he could just shave bone off my foot, but it would not bring about the solution to my pain.
I cried for three hours straight. That seems insane now, but at the time I just needed a good old pitting party. I dreaded the surgery. I couldn't even wrap my mind around 8 weeks of NO walking and a cast. I was frustrated that my girls live far away and would not able to be here with me. Oh, and how in the world was I going to tell my coworkers that they would be working short yet once again? Yeah, it was a pathetic sight and sound around here for those 3 long hours. Bless Dave's big old caring heart as he consoled me.
As the days past I found myself coming to grips with the surgery. We scheduled a date of March 1st and the planning in my head began. I would have a bunch of stuff to get in order and the next four weeks would fly by.
By this time weeks had past for Dave and the meds were doing nothing. He was in more pain than ever and getting frustrated. He finally saw the doctor leaving both of us feeling far worse. We both agreed that worry would do nothing to change the situation and we needed to just trust the Lord and wait for a report. Our doctor sent him on to a specialist with the words, "This could be a tumor and we need to get you seen ASAP." Needless to say that did not bring much peace to my mind.
We waited through the weekend and on to Tuesday for the next appointment. I was not able to leave work to go along and let me tell you it was so hard waiting to hear how things went. Bless my dad's heart for going along with Dave so he was not alone. The specialist confirmed a nasty infection and prescribed different meds to ease the pain. What a relief! Okay, that's an understatement. The enemy sure knew how to attack my thoughts. I kept trying to hold fast to the fact that everything would be fine, yet I wanted to be prepared for reality if it should be cancer and we needed to head into a big time fight.
Finally we have arrived to today. David is beginning to feel some better despite a head cold. Oh how thankful I am! I am getting small things set around the house to help me cope with crutches for 8 weeks. The exercising has stopped and that makes me sad, but it's not worth the pain. I was continuing with non foot related stuff, but then a stiff neck hit. Oh brother, how can such a small thing cause so much discomfort? It made me laugh at myself and the lack of being able to turn my head for several days. Still, it was a pain in the neck!
I'm still not at total peace with the surgery, but I realize that my quality of life is hampered and it will only get worse if I don't go ahead and get the issues fixed. I'm working hard to not stress. Again, if you know me, you know that's an ongoing battle for me. I'm blessed to have a husband that is encouraging me and reminding me that we will make it through this time of less money and more pain. We both know without doubt that the Lord will provide for us, He always does.
So we press onward to March 1. I try not to think too much about getting to the bathroom during the night, about the cat jumping up on the bed and snuggling in by my feet where she loves to be, and about many, many weeks of not working.
Yup, it's a new year and I am praying that all of this will find me stronger. In times like these where surrender is a hard thing to do, I find myself working to lay it all down and just give it up the One who knows my future.
Help me Lord Jesus to surrender all to Thee.
The past month has been a wild one. As I mentioned before, the new year was for me a time of new beginnings. Knowing my birthday would be just a few months away I wanted to start the year out with a new passion for feeling better, eating healthier, and getting a grip on turning another year older.
Little did I know that all the exercise would bring another foot issue to light. If you know me at all or have read my old blogs, you know that my feet have not been my best friends for the last decade or so.
I started out January first hitting the WII fit every single day. I felt good, really good. Oh, the old body was screaming as it wondered what in the world I was doing to it, but basically I mentally was feeling better. Winter tends to bring me down and out and the exercise was fighting that in a good way. Each day that I buckled down to do a workout I finished up with big time pain in my foot.
For many years I was sure I had the beginnings of a possible bunion and nasty looking feet like my mom. Oh boy does she have nasty looking feet. I'd have days where I'd feel pain and then long stretches with no pain at all. Now the pain was 24/7 and a visit to the doctor was on the list of things to do. She took one look at my foot and said I needed a specialist to evaluate what was going on. Off I went with Vicodin in hand to wait three weeks to see the specialist.
During this time Dave started to not feel well. He was in pain and had found a lump that caused some alarm. He called me at work to say that he was really hurting and I asked him to call the doctor right away. The doctor didn't even want to see him, but rather sent him directly to the hospital for an ultra sound. We were thankful that same evening when the report came back that he was battling a really tough infection and meds would get him back to feeling good again.
A few days later we headed to the foot specialist. I was dreading the appointment. Several people had felt the need to share how painful bunion surgery is and I just didn't feel like being off work for a period of time and dealing with pain. After having ex-rays taken and speaking with the doctor I was left in a heap of tears. Little did I know it wasn't just a bunion, but a fallen arch needing repair along with a tendon that needs to be lengthened. The kind doctor said he could just shave bone off my foot, but it would not bring about the solution to my pain.
I cried for three hours straight. That seems insane now, but at the time I just needed a good old pitting party. I dreaded the surgery. I couldn't even wrap my mind around 8 weeks of NO walking and a cast. I was frustrated that my girls live far away and would not able to be here with me. Oh, and how in the world was I going to tell my coworkers that they would be working short yet once again? Yeah, it was a pathetic sight and sound around here for those 3 long hours. Bless Dave's big old caring heart as he consoled me.
As the days past I found myself coming to grips with the surgery. We scheduled a date of March 1st and the planning in my head began. I would have a bunch of stuff to get in order and the next four weeks would fly by.
By this time weeks had past for Dave and the meds were doing nothing. He was in more pain than ever and getting frustrated. He finally saw the doctor leaving both of us feeling far worse. We both agreed that worry would do nothing to change the situation and we needed to just trust the Lord and wait for a report. Our doctor sent him on to a specialist with the words, "This could be a tumor and we need to get you seen ASAP." Needless to say that did not bring much peace to my mind.
We waited through the weekend and on to Tuesday for the next appointment. I was not able to leave work to go along and let me tell you it was so hard waiting to hear how things went. Bless my dad's heart for going along with Dave so he was not alone. The specialist confirmed a nasty infection and prescribed different meds to ease the pain. What a relief! Okay, that's an understatement. The enemy sure knew how to attack my thoughts. I kept trying to hold fast to the fact that everything would be fine, yet I wanted to be prepared for reality if it should be cancer and we needed to head into a big time fight.
Finally we have arrived to today. David is beginning to feel some better despite a head cold. Oh how thankful I am! I am getting small things set around the house to help me cope with crutches for 8 weeks. The exercising has stopped and that makes me sad, but it's not worth the pain. I was continuing with non foot related stuff, but then a stiff neck hit. Oh brother, how can such a small thing cause so much discomfort? It made me laugh at myself and the lack of being able to turn my head for several days. Still, it was a pain in the neck!
I'm still not at total peace with the surgery, but I realize that my quality of life is hampered and it will only get worse if I don't go ahead and get the issues fixed. I'm working hard to not stress. Again, if you know me, you know that's an ongoing battle for me. I'm blessed to have a husband that is encouraging me and reminding me that we will make it through this time of less money and more pain. We both know without doubt that the Lord will provide for us, He always does.
So we press onward to March 1. I try not to think too much about getting to the bathroom during the night, about the cat jumping up on the bed and snuggling in by my feet where she loves to be, and about many, many weeks of not working.
Yup, it's a new year and I am praying that all of this will find me stronger. In times like these where surrender is a hard thing to do, I find myself working to lay it all down and just give it up the One who knows my future.
Help me Lord Jesus to surrender all to Thee.
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