Saturday, February 11, 2012

From work outs to working it all out

So, what's new in my life these days you ask?  Oh, you didn't ask?  Well, I'm here to write it all down as usual just because I feel the need to get it out of my head and neatly tucked away somewhere else and that's just what this blog is for.  So, read on if you feel like it or just click out if you don't.

The past month has been a wild one.  As I mentioned before, the new year was for me a time of new beginnings.  Knowing my birthday would be just a few months away I wanted to start the year out with a new passion for feeling better, eating healthier, and getting a grip on turning another year older.

Little did I know that all the exercise would bring another foot issue to light.  If you know me at all or have read my old blogs, you know that my feet have not been my best friends for the last decade or so.

I started out January first hitting the WII fit every single day.  I felt good, really good.  Oh, the old body was screaming as it wondered what in the world I was doing to it, but basically I mentally was feeling better.  Winter tends to bring me down and out and the exercise was fighting that in a good way.  Each day that I buckled down to do a workout I finished up with big time pain in my foot.

For many years I was sure I had the beginnings of a possible bunion and nasty looking feet like my mom.  Oh boy does she have nasty looking feet.  I'd have days where I'd feel pain and then long stretches with no pain at all.  Now the pain was 24/7 and a visit to the doctor was on the list of things to do.  She took one look at my foot and said I needed a specialist to evaluate what was going on.  Off I went with Vicodin in hand to wait three weeks to see the specialist.

During this time Dave started to not feel well.  He was in pain and had found a lump that caused some alarm.  He called me at work to say that he was really hurting and I asked him to call the doctor right away.  The doctor didn't even want to see him, but rather sent him directly to the hospital for an ultra sound.  We were thankful that same evening when the report came back that he was battling a really tough infection and meds would get him back to feeling good again.

A few days later we headed to the foot specialist.  I was dreading the appointment.  Several people had felt the need to share how painful bunion surgery is and I just didn't feel like being off work for a period of time and dealing with pain.  After having ex-rays taken and speaking with the doctor I was left in a heap of tears.  Little did I know it wasn't just a bunion, but a fallen arch needing repair along with a tendon that needs to be lengthened.  The kind doctor said he could just shave bone off my foot, but it would not bring about the solution to my pain.

I cried for three hours straight.  That seems insane now, but at the time I just needed a good old pitting party.  I dreaded the surgery.  I couldn't even wrap my mind around 8 weeks of NO walking and a cast.  I was frustrated that my girls live far away and would not able to be here with me.  Oh, and how in the world was I going to tell my coworkers that they would be working short yet once again?  Yeah, it was a pathetic sight and sound around here for those 3 long hours.  Bless Dave's big old caring heart as he consoled me.

As the days past I found myself coming to grips with the surgery.  We scheduled a date of March 1st and the planning in my head began.  I would have a bunch of stuff to get in order and the next four weeks would fly by.

By this time weeks had past for Dave and the meds were doing nothing.  He was in more pain than ever and getting frustrated.  He finally saw the doctor leaving both of us feeling far worse.  We both agreed that worry would do nothing to change the situation and we needed to just trust the Lord and wait for a report.  Our doctor sent him on to a specialist with the words, "This could be a tumor and we need to get you seen ASAP."  Needless to say that did not bring much peace to my mind.

We waited through the weekend and on to Tuesday for the next appointment.  I was not able to leave work to go along and let me tell you it was so hard waiting to hear how things went.  Bless my dad's heart for going along with Dave so he was not alone.  The specialist confirmed a nasty infection and prescribed different meds to ease the pain.  What a relief!  Okay, that's an understatement.  The enemy sure knew how to attack my thoughts.  I kept trying to hold fast to the fact that everything would be fine, yet I wanted to be prepared for reality if it should be cancer and we needed to head into a big time fight.

Finally we have arrived to today.  David is beginning to feel some better despite a head cold.  Oh how thankful I am!  I am getting small things set around the house to help me cope with crutches for 8 weeks.  The exercising has stopped and that makes me sad, but it's not worth the pain.  I was continuing with non foot related stuff, but then a stiff neck hit.  Oh brother, how can such a small thing cause so much discomfort?  It made me laugh at myself and the lack of being able to turn my head for several days.  Still, it was a pain in the neck!

I'm still not at total peace with the surgery, but I realize that my quality of life is hampered and it will only get worse if I don't go ahead and get the issues fixed.  I'm working hard to not stress.  Again, if you know me, you know that's an ongoing battle for me.  I'm blessed to have a husband that is encouraging me and reminding me that we will make it through this time of less money and more pain.  We both know without doubt that the Lord will provide for us, He always does.

So we press onward to March 1.  I try not to think too much about getting to the bathroom during the night, about the cat jumping up on the bed and snuggling in by my feet where she loves to be, and about many, many weeks of not working.

Yup, it's a new year and I am praying that all of this will find me stronger.  In times like these where surrender is a hard thing to do, I find myself working to lay it all down and just give it up the One who knows my future.

Help me Lord Jesus to surrender all to Thee.

Ever have one of those days?

A friend sent this to me in an email recently.  I think the message is loud and clear.  How often we forget.

Me (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?

GOD: Sure.

Me: Promise you won't get mad?

GOD: I promise.

Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?

GOD: What do you mean?

Me: Well I woke up late,

GOD: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start,

GOD: Okay....

Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait

GOD: Hmmmm..

Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call

GOD: All right

Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?

GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me (humbled): Oh...

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road

Me (ashamed): ............

GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work

Me (embarrassed): Oh.....

GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered

Me (softly): I see God

GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a short that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm sorry God.

GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust all things, the good and the bad

Me: I WILL trust you God

GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.

GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children.

Scriptural References: II Samuel 22:31, Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:13