Friday, December 7, 2012

I close my eyes and see the night...

I ran out of the house today to get a few errands done.  Right before I left I grabbed a few Christmas CDs to listen to while running around town.  When I got in the car Josh Groban's Noel was at the top of the stack and so I popped it in the player and headed out.

It wasn't long before I'll be Home for Christmas was playing and I was brought back to the first time I heard this rendition and how it brought me to tears thinking of all the families that would be missing a soldier that year.  An empty chair at the dinner table,  gifts that would not be opened, and hugs that would not be shared on Christmas day

After the intro to the song my mind began to wonder to my Christmas this year.  I began to look back over this past year and realized how really tough this year has been. It has been by far one the hardest years of my life.  It certainly was not the year I had planned.

Now here I am, just weeks from Christmas and  I'm searching for it's true meaning.

For me there is no hustle and bustle.  There are no gifts to be wrapped and no big tree to put them under.  There will be no beds to get ready for kids from out of state and no food to prepare purely out of love rather than the love of cooking.

It's a year I'm sure I'll remember in years to come.

So as I drove today in my car with Josh Groban singing his heart out I found myself missing Christmas.  Me, the Grinch, actually missing Christmas.

When I got home I let my mind settle.  I knew in my heart that Christmas was not just about gifts or food.  It's wonderful to be with family, but that's not really Christmas either and sometimes it's just not possible to be together.

So today I focus on the Christ child.  I lay my Christmas down and pick up the real meaning of this day.  I will press on without a lonely heart or the reminder of an empty house to plague me. I will turn my eyes to the stable, the cross, and the empty tomb.  I will ponder the miracle of Jesus both as a babe and as my resurrected King.

I may not chose to listen to I'll be Home for Christmas again this season, but I'll prepare my heart focusing on when Love was born.

May our hearts be filled with awe as never before and may our homes be filled with His spirit and His perfect peace.  May we all close our eyes, block out the busy chaos of this world and with awe cherish the night that Love was born.