Wednesday, September 12, 2012
I left therapy in tears today. I didn't want to cry. I tried hard not to cry, but I cried.
Therapy, it's a weird thing. You walk in with some sort of need to be made well. People all around you are fighting to regain their life and their independence. I look around while I'm there and see so much pain combined with so much progress. It's an interesting place.
Today I listened intently to people. Lots of idle chatter going on. Some girl talking about food. A guy talking about fishing. Another guy talking about his early morning college classes. Yeah, lots of idle chatter. That's part of the experience.
Me, I walked in expecting nothing today. I was a bit down and out. I think I was just tired. I dreaded going to see Mason, my therapist, because I was in a funk of a mood. I wanted to be all cheery and full of smiles saying all was well, but I wasn't feeling it, inside or out. It didn't talk long for that to change.
Mason, the guy I called an angel after helping me overcome severe hip pain in a very short time. Mason, the last guy on earth I expected God to put in my path to really be so much more than a therapist.
It's pretty normal to share that idle chit-chat with your therapist. Each time I've gone I've had a different person work with me. Each time we began by talking about my health issues and then moved on to getting to know one another. The common questions about how many kids you have or where you live are just a part of the process.
With Mason it turned very differently very quickly.
On my first visit we started the usual talk about family. Before I knew it Mason was not only helping my hip feel better, but he was reaching a place in my heart that I had begun to close off. We talked about our faith, our kids, our struggles. He shared things from his life away from the Lord and how he found his way back. He shared things that were new and eye opening to me leaving me to face the hard cold fact that my heart was shutting down and closing the door on areas that needed prayer and a new preservative to fight the good fight and never give up.
It's weird how in the most unusual places God shows up. Why do I find it so amazing? Isn't that who God is, amazing? Doesn't He desire to show up and knock us off our feet leaving us in awe of His ways and His greatness?
Mason and I have been working together for the last two weeks. Today we just sat and talked as he worked on my sore foot. We talked about our goals as parents. Even though his kids are younger and mine are adults and on their own we still have the desire to speak life and truth to them. He began to share thoughts about the work of the Holy Spirit with me. He reminded me of how at times there can be a cloud brought about by the enemy to cause a person's focus to become distorted and unclear. He was reaching my heart. He was being God's instrument in the flesh.
It was time to leave. Mason had been out of the room for a couple of minutes and when he returned he looked at me with a smile and told me that he would be praying for my family, for answers to things I do not understand. He made me promise to come back in time and share the good news of answered prayer with him. He spoke faith, hope, and love in those few words.
Oh boy, that just did me in. That's when the tears came. This guy, this therapist guy just ministered to my sore and pain filled heart to the point where I knew, I KNEW the Spirit of the Living God was there, right there in the doorway of the therapy room.
I left the building and drove away. I then wept. I soaked in the goodness of the God I serve. I love the way He cares so deeply for me that he chose to use a physical therapist to reach me and remind me that I am not alone. He cares so intently that in the middle of my day to day this and that He shows up and blows my socks off.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
Lord, thank you for being a God that is so personal and so real that You can reach down in my every day life and bring hope and healing not only to my body, but more importantly to my soul. You never leave me on my own, but You show up and lead me by green pastures. Your tenderness and gentleness can even be found through a therapy session where I never thought about Your presence being so real and so strong. You truly are a personal God who not only knows the very number of hairs on my head, but also the deepest pain and hurts in my life where you long to bring healing. I thank you Lord for reminding me that You alone are the balm that heals the broken hearted and You alone never stop giving to your own.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Lindsey at 20 weeks
It was Tuesday and I knew the kids were heading to the doctor for the big, "We're finding out the baby's sex" visit. Lindsey's appointment was mid morning and I was at work just chomping to find out what the news would be.
Somehow without even really giving it much thought I just assumed it was a girl. I guess after giving birth to three daughters and then raising three girls for all those years I had forgotten that there was a 50/50 chance of it being a boy.
I walked into the lab at work and found a note on my computer monitor to call Lindsey. My coworker was smiling while she said, "Call Lindsey! Call Lindsey!"
I reached the kids cell and Lindsey immediately asked if I wanted to guess. Nope, no guessing, just tell me!
I heard Beto say, "It's a boy!"
I responded with, "Really??"
Lindsey piped up and said, "Yup!"
Wow, a baby boy!
Once back at work I walked in and the tears fell. I smiled at my coworker and explained that this was no longer all about my daughter being pregnant, this was about a little precious baby boy being added to our family.
I began to wonder what he looks like. Will he be fair skinned like his momma or brown like his daddy? Will his eyes be brown or blue? Will his nose be turned up like his momma's was at birth or will he have a crease between his eyes when he is serious like his daddy?
The one question that stuck in my mind was the very same one I asked myself over and over when I carried his mommy, "Will he know just how much I love him?"
It's been a couple of weeks now and I'm still floating around on a cloud. I pray for this little guy each day, many times a day. I want to find little things to send to his mom just so she knows I'm thinking about her and her baby. I'm in awe of the photos she sends me of her tummy growing each week.
No, he's no longer called Peachy Pie. It just doesn't fit. His dad and mom have not decided on his name quite yet and even if they do it might be their secret to keep until his birth day. So for now he's just Baby.
I wonder what life will be like when this little boy arrives. I know one thing for sure, my life changed completely the day I found out that a little boy will enter my world and call me grandma. He's captured my heart already. Yup, I'm in love with this little gift of life and I can't wait until January to meet him. I sure hope he loves kisses.