Friday, December 7, 2012

I close my eyes and see the night...

I ran out of the house today to get a few errands done.  Right before I left I grabbed a few Christmas CDs to listen to while running around town.  When I got in the car Josh Groban's Noel was at the top of the stack and so I popped it in the player and headed out.

It wasn't long before I'll be Home for Christmas was playing and I was brought back to the first time I heard this rendition and how it brought me to tears thinking of all the families that would be missing a soldier that year.  An empty chair at the dinner table,  gifts that would not be opened, and hugs that would not be shared on Christmas day

After the intro to the song my mind began to wonder to my Christmas this year.  I began to look back over this past year and realized how really tough this year has been. It has been by far one the hardest years of my life.  It certainly was not the year I had planned.

Now here I am, just weeks from Christmas and  I'm searching for it's true meaning.

For me there is no hustle and bustle.  There are no gifts to be wrapped and no big tree to put them under.  There will be no beds to get ready for kids from out of state and no food to prepare purely out of love rather than the love of cooking.

It's a year I'm sure I'll remember in years to come.

So as I drove today in my car with Josh Groban singing his heart out I found myself missing Christmas.  Me, the Grinch, actually missing Christmas.

When I got home I let my mind settle.  I knew in my heart that Christmas was not just about gifts or food.  It's wonderful to be with family, but that's not really Christmas either and sometimes it's just not possible to be together.

So today I focus on the Christ child.  I lay my Christmas down and pick up the real meaning of this day.  I will press on without a lonely heart or the reminder of an empty house to plague me. I will turn my eyes to the stable, the cross, and the empty tomb.  I will ponder the miracle of Jesus both as a babe and as my resurrected King.

I may not chose to listen to I'll be Home for Christmas again this season, but I'll prepare my heart focusing on when Love was born.

May our hearts be filled with awe as never before and may our homes be filled with His spirit and His perfect peace.  May we all close our eyes, block out the busy chaos of this world and with awe cherish the night that Love was born. 


Momma Roar said...

At first, I thought your post was about closing your eyes at night and seeing Josh Gr.oban. :-D

A beautiful post.

You know you are in my prayers - as we both struggle being away from those we love. :)

Susan said...

Wonderful touching post, dear friend. May we all center on the true reason JESUS who came, not on December 25th but probably in late September or early October......but the point is HE CAME and because HE DID we, who believe on Him, Live.

Mari said...

I thought of you several times in the last few days. Once was today when I heard Josh Groban on the radio and remembered how you liked him. I also thought of you last night. We were at a dinner for a local ministry that ministers to Mexican/american people in the area. It is led by a young Pastor from Mexico who is married to a girl from Wisconsin. They are expecting their first baby in a few months and I couldn't help but see the similarity to Beto and Lindsey. It's funny how often God brings you or them to mind and I'm prompted to pray for them and baby Beckham.
I had a terrible time with that song several times in the last few years, because in my mind Christmas isn't right when someone is missing. Obviously I was focusing on the wrong thing, and not the true, glorious reason for Christmas!

Karenkool said...

This is a beautiful post, Ginger. I often wonder what this time of year will feel like, once all of my kids are finding their own way in the world, and not living at home anymore. I will remember what you said, and go back to the gift and the true gift giver who gives us life.

Cheri said...

Such a great reminder about the true meaning of Christmas!

Connie said...

A beautiful post. A thought came to me while reading it - It's the love of God that you have in your heart that gives you the love you feel for your children. Our children may move out of the area BUT never out of our heart. And our God is the only thing that never changes.