Sunday, September 18, 2011

And so it goes...

There are so many things swirling inside of my head right now.  I wish I could just write it all on here and let it all come crashing out, but I can't.  The feelings that I have involve too many people and it would not be fair to any of them.

There are areas in my life that I wish I had concrete answer to: my job, my daughter’s future, finding a new church, menopause.  Did I mention menopause?  Oh yeah, I guess I already did -  Oh the joy of menopause.

*Pausing to thank the Lord for my patient and always loving husband.  Did I mention menopause?  Sigh*

I've found this stage in life to be madness.  I guess that became evident when I named this blog.  No one really prepared me for what comes along with this glorious and constantly confusing time in life. I find myself grabbing charts at work to use as a fan when the heat rises.  It's comical, sort of, yet oh so frustrating.  Of course it always happens at the worst of times.  Oh well, it's all a part of it and so I press on.

Work has left me confused.  I've worked some extra hours over the summer due to being short handed in our department.  It's always rough for everyone when we are short.  Finding someone new, training someone and all that goes with it are maddening.  It's only my job to fill in the hours, but that's enough for me.  I learned many, many years ago that the good Lord created me to be a part-timer.  I've never functioned well working too many hours.  I become depressed and out of sorts.  Again, sounds a bit like menopause to me.  Menopause, did I mention menopause?

When it comes to being a mom of a single daughter that lives very far away there is no other word to describe it other than madness.  It's hard to give a hug through a text message.  It's hard to show how much you care about her life and all that is happening in it when "I love you" is sent by a text or Facebook messages.  She's an adult, but still so in need of guidance and support.  It's just plain hard.

At least church seems to be something to be a bit excited about.  I've been feeling lost and in a dry place for a very long time.  We have attended an amazing church for over 28 years, but it's grown to be a huge church, like 8,000 people and more.  We've sat under teaching that has been invaluable in my walk with the Lord.  We've watch our kids grow to love the Lord and long to serve Him while being a part of this church.  Now, we are a lost pair in a sea of thousands.  So we ventured out.  We found a little church close to home and visited the last two weeks.  We felt loved.  We felt contentment.  We felt noticed.  Being a part of a church means more than walking in and walking out the doors week after week.  That's where we have been for a very long time.

And so it goes.  My life is filled with feelings of being unsure, unsure about so many things.  Thankfully I can lay it down and be reminded of who holds tomorrow and that I need not feel the need to be the one in control.  There is ONE far, far  greater than I who knows my future at work, at church, and with my family.  He even knows each moment of menopause and has promised to be with me--- even when I walk through the fire so to speak.  (Trust me, some of these hot flashes feel like fire.)  He tells me to not waste my time worrying about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries of its own. (Matt 6:34)

Today I thank the Lord that even though my mind is swimming, my heart feels a bit heavy from time to time, and I find myself feeling like a lump of hot dish plopped down on a plate and all mixed up I can rest easy (in spite of the sleepless nights) knowing I really do rest safely in the palm of the One who created me (Jeremiah 1:5), the One who counts the hairs on my head (Luke 12:7), and the One that calls me His own, yes, I am a friend of God...

... and so it goes.


7 comments:

Mari said...

Even in the middle of things that aren't so fun - you still show a great sense of humor!
I'm waiting for those hot flashes to strike. If you are having them, I can't be far behind. :)
Glad you have enjoyed this new church (although I would still love to have you visit ours) I know the drive is a problem though.
I can imagine how hard it is to support Jenna from a distance. I think it's hard sometimes doing it while in the same house!
Love that last song! We sang it in church this morning.

Just Mom said...

(((hugs)))


That's for you and your daughter.


(((hugs)))

Cheri said...

More hugs coming from this neck of the woods!

Dawn said...

I didn't have the day hot flashes, but only at night - for way too many years. Glad to have that over with - there is something good about aging out of certain things!

I'm so glad you've found a good smaller church. I think church growth is great, but I never want to get that big.

You do have a lot on your plate right now.

Sylvia said...

I thought the menopause and hot flushes was just a joke until it happened! So inconvenient... That wierd thing that happens with our emotions and head does pass, to reassure you and you WILL come out the other end. Keep holding on to Him. We also sing that song at church. Love it.
Know we've been e.mailing about the new church, but I did a double take this morning at 8000 people where you were before. Can't quite take that in. We don't have buildings that big!
You are always an inspiration Ginger whatever you are going through. You ALWAYS bless your readers (actually we're friends not readers)

Karenkool said...

Ginger dearest, you are going to make it through this time!!! You are dearly loved--BY ALL OF US!!! but I appreciate you sharing your heart and your struggles. I feel like I'm right there with you feeling your pain. I will pray for you, my friend.

It is exciting about your new church venture. Maybe God is leading you out of the "big sea" into the smaller one because you are needed there. Called. You have so much to offer.

Love you!

~Karen~ said...

I can tell you that it does get better. I can't tell *you* how to survive "mental"pause because it seems to be different for all of us. I was put into instant menopause with surgery, and have been using natural forms of HRT that have been working for the hot flashes. If you're interested, e-mail me. It has helped me a lot.
Emotions run high during this time, and I have learned to turn to God on those occasions when I can't make sense out of my feelings. The Beth study I am doing now really spoke to me about crying aloud to God. I did that this weekend and what a great weight was lifted. I pray that you will find what works for you.
It's very hard for our daughters to be so far away, but yours is a little farther than mine, so my heart goes out to you when you feel helpless and unable to hold your girl. May God wrap his big loving arms around you, today. Love you.